One of my favorite people is the man who visits every day in a really great white truck with “FedEx” written on the side. I used to not care a whole lot about him but one day he came by and he gave me an awesome bone to chew on! Or maybe it was just a bone-shaped treat. I don’t know, I can’t really remember because I get so excited. So now every time he comes by I expect a bone or some treats or something. I can hear him coming from miles away, and I can always tell the difference between him and the guy in the brown truck. The one with the shield thing on the side? Yeah, I don’t have time for that. The brakes on that FedEx truck sound like an angelic choir gently drifting down from the heavens and they have treats for ME!!
When I hear him coming (because of his brakes which are very distinctive and make me salivate), oh man, I start running and running and barking and running and I have to get to him, because what if he forgets about me? I don’t think he will but I want to be sure. I have to get there early before he does anything else because I don’t want him to forget me, I want him to remember me forever! I doubt he’ll forget me, though. Why else would he bring treats? He makes me jump for them. Someday, he says, he’s gonna strap boxes to my back and make me work for the treats. I wouldn’t mind that. I already have two jobs, why not a third? So yeah whenever I hear his beautiful, beautiful brakes I stop whatever I’m doing (usually napping) and I start barking a lot to make sure that Sandy or someone else in the office knows that it’s time to let me go outside so I can get treats and say hi to him. I think his name is Rod.
I’m not gonna say that I only like people who give me treats, but it certainly helps. Plus, pretty much everyone I know gives me treats, or at least they would if they had the chance. I think they do, at least. I don’t actually know. It’s so hard to tell what people are thinking. Maybe I just see the best in people. I mean, not the brown truck guy, obviously. I mean, I’m sure he’s a good person probably but he doesn’t even compare to the FedEx guy. That man is a shining beacon of goodness which we lesser mortals have done nothing to deserve. If that FedEx guy wanted to adopt me, I’d let him. He just has the best treats and they go “crunch” and he throws ‘em in the air and I catch ‘em and he wears a purple shirt and a hat and…sorry, I got excited.
People usually say two things about dogs. I mean, they say lots of things, because we’re so interesting, but they mostly say these two things. They say that we’re always loyal and that they think that they know what we’re thinking. Do you know what we’re really thinking, though? What’s really on our minds? Well good news, humans: I have the answers you didn’t think you needed but that you actually do! Here’s what we’re thinking: “I want treats.” And why are we loyal? Because humans have treats. Well, of course, we’re also loyal because we love them. Which is not just because they have treats, but also because we’re just really good dogs. Every dog is a good dog. Literally every single one. And the FedEx guy knows this. So he is nice to dogs. Which is very good and I like that.
What the FedEx guy doesn’t know is that I’m blogging about him. Please, nobody show the FedEx guy this blog ok. It is a Dog Secret™. Also, make sure not to show it to any of the people in the office, because…that would be bad? I guess? I just assume. Anyway, goodbye for now! I’ll try to get back as soon as possible, but it’s hard for a dog to get some alone time!